Tough times

Obviously no-one wants to hear a poker player bitching and moaning about how bad he's running, so I won't bore you with that. What I do think is worthy of discussion is how we, as poker players actually manage to function under these extreme swings. Online I've lost around $6k playing tournaments in the last two weeks. I understand that considering my average buy in (around $50) this is a natural swing and I can expect this downswing to get much much worse before it gets better.

The main problems with living off playing multi-table tournaments is;
a) You have no idea when your current downswing will end. Obviously it would be good if Stars could pay each reg their tournament equity at the end of each month, but for the most part it's something everyone has to deal with.

b) Confidence. Those of you who know me well will know that I am not someone who suffers from confidence issues. I also pride myself on being level-headed and not delusional; something that turns out to be something of a two-edged sword. I naturally question every negative (and positive) result I have. Are you + EV in these tournaments or cash games? Was that the correct play? I know deep down that I'm a winning player in these games, but each losing session slowly chips away at that.

c) The extra high variance towards the end of tournaments. Let's face it, not everyone runs as well in the end-game, as none of us have a meaningful sample size. No matter how many flips, coolers or suckouts I win in a session, all of my equity will eventually come down to a range flip. In the last week I've come 9th in the fuper; cashed for $2k, first was $25k, I came 11th in the $20r; cashed for $450, first was 9k, and 18th in the $50r for $400, first was 8k. As well as this I've had all manner of deep runs in other tournaments. The point I'm trying to make is that if we're not Shaun Deeb, we only have a certain amount of end games to actually leave our mark.

I'm not exactly sure what me writing this will do, perhaps the honesty of publicly admitting that I'm struggling will do me good, perhaps I'm just wasting my time writing when I should be studying the game itself (something everyone should always be doing no matter how good they are). Hopefully it may give someone who's just starting MTTs an accurate portrayal into what playing them for a living is actually like.

All I know is to keep on grinding, keep a level head and try to play well. There are a lot of WCOOPs left and I'm not going to win any of them if I sit around feeling sorry for myself.

Away from poker my post-vegas summer was amazing. France was blissfully peaceful, Edinburgh was hilarious and great fun and Creamfields rekindled one of my favourite types of music with some amazing people.

Love all of you lots
xoxo